Once again with drama
by Spike is the BIG BAD
Summary: Your favorite singing demon is back in this Spuffyful story. I own nothing :p First song is Wicked game- by Three Days Grace.It also has Angel/Cordy and Xander/Anya. Post Once more with feeling OMWF
1. Wicked game Chris Isaak

Sweet sat on his throne and watched Buffy Summers cry in her room. _Dim girl, this one. Hurts herself and others around her out of sheer stubbornness. Still, she cut the man she loved to the bone, then kicked him while he was down. She definitely had possibilities ..._

He watched Willow drink wine in her room. Ah, she sought to assuage her broken heart. In her room, Dawn slumped on her bed, rocking side to side, lips moving soundlessly. _Poor little key-girl, so beset by loss, so many loved ones leaving her to cross over_. It puzzled Sweet how humans kept hurting one another, yet always stuck together. As though they enjoyed pain, reveled in their tears.

The white-headed vampire was most fascinating. Sweet watched him in his crypt, lying motionless and staring at the ceiling. _Waiting for your beloved Slayer to come and love you? _Sweet suppressed a laugh. _She will only use you then kick you aside, yet still you wait, impatient for her attention. Worry not, fine vampire, she will be coming to spit on you again, soon. _

"I think it's time," Sweet spoke aloud to himself, "to bring some sweet music to the pathetic lives of these dullards." He frowned, then grinned, then frowned again as he waved his hand to open a portal to Sunnydale. Then he grinned again.

"Music," he intoned, "so good for the digestion."

_**OMWF***OMWF***OMWF***OMWF***OMWF***OMWF*****_

Spike slumped on his couch with a half-finished bottle of bourbon and wondered what Buffy was up to.

"Bet Buffy's doing the Bronze with the Boobies." A bleedin' Slayer, a damn bleedin' bloody Slayer and Spike was helpless with the memory of her, the hope of her. He yearned for her scent, for her touch. He sprang from the couch then threw himself back on it.

"Bollocks!" he hissed. "Go t'hell, Buffy."

He jumped again to his feet and kicked the couch. Its frame shattered somewhere under the upholstery, and he swore. He wound up a punch but there was nothing to hit. He ran to the crypt wall and walloped that, cracking the stone. Without willing it he was pounding the wall again and again, bloodying his fist, snapping the bones in his hand. He dropped to his knees, laughing and crying simultaneously. It's the liquor, he thought.

"You ... you love me," he stammered to the empty crypt. "Y-you want me." He crawled aimlessly until his head hit his tv stand. He clutched its leg with both arms and cursed with every filthy word he ever knew. Look at this, he scorned himself, I kill Slayers. I kill Slayers.

"I kill you," he shouted. "I don't need you. You'd be dead without me. Slayers die. You'll die."

He sat back and flexed his hand. the bones were knitting quickly, just as the alcohol buzz was dissipating. He chuckled wetly and palmed his eyes as he lurched to his feet.

He knew Buffy would love him, if only she would allow herself.

He sighed, knowing she never would.

Buffy sidled in through the crypt door.

"Spike, I need to talk to you."

Spike jumped in surprise - mentally. He turned slowly, his expression knowing and carefree. "Hello, Buffy old bean. How are you and the gang?"

He noted Buffy's distraught face and went to her.

"What's wrong?"

Buffy looked up at him and began to speak. All that came out was a sob, then Buffy cried and it was like a floodgate opening, and the sobs contorted her face and jerked her back muscles, and Spike almost stepped back, truly shocked at this outpouring. He opened his arms and she was instantly enfolded in them, her arms around him, her face buried in his chest. Spike felt drunk again, dizzy. Buffy's scent filled his senses and made his head light. A shard of fear lanced through his consciousness, a dread of what truth could lurk behind such unexpected sorrow.

"Is the little bit all right?" he asked softly. Buffy shook her head and pushed back from him. Effort twitched her facial muscles, then she gained control, tight-lipped and sober. Spike couldn't meet her gaze. He looked at the floor.

"Everyone's fine. I - I just ... look, I needed -"

"What, what is it?"

"Never mind. No." she discarded the thought. "This is about. It's me. It's about. Us. You. I can't do this right now, I can't.

"I have to go."

She started, but Spike grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her back around to face him. "No you don't. Talk to me, Buffy. Right. Now!"

"Let me go." Buffy's expression hardened.

"Don't do that, Buffy. We beat each other all the time, it's like we're some crazy trashy couple. Don't do it."

"You think - you say we're a _couple_?" Her shoulders felt like corded iron.

Spike let go of her shoulders and turned his back on her. "No. Now get out.

"Don't come back again, ever." He heard his voice say it, and it sounded so far away.

The crypt door opened and closed. Spike's head fell forward and he stayed that way. Idly, he thought about maybe staying that way forever, slouched against the wall, until his body shriveled from lack of nourishment. He could do it. It could take a year for the end to come, but he was a vampire, and he could do it.

Music began to play from some invisible source. It filled up in his ears like a tender cascade of warm water filling a tub. When Buffy touched his arm he betrayed his surprise, his whole center jolting under her palm.

A familiar impulse took him, and as he turned and started to sing he rolled his eyes - mentally, because Buffy was there to love and to hate and to take. He took her elbows and sang, his eyes fixed on hers.

_**"The world was on fire No one could save me but you. Strange what desire will make foolish people do.**_ _**I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you, and I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you. No I, don't want to fall in love. No I, don't want to fall in love with you, with you."**_

Gone was the angry scowl from her face. A softer, calmer - dare he think it - affectionate expression, her standing there looking back at him, watching him, hearing him sing to her. Spike let his hands release her and he spun around, his body moving automatically, and in rhythm to the music.

_**"What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you. What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way what a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you. And I don't wanna fall in love. And I don't want to fall in love."**_

Buffy reacted to the words as though they had great meaning to her.

Spike sang the last verse.

_**"World was on fire no one could save me but you. Strange what desire will make foolish people do. I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you. I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you. No I don't wanna fall in love. No I don't wanna fall in love with you, with you."**_

His body moved in dance, conveying somehow his rage, his resentment of her and all the hurt, the knuckle-cracking pain Buffy the Vampire Slayer had seared into his being. He turned to see her face, to gauge her reaction, but then he didn't care. He swung back and performed a flourish with his feet, winding up at tghe wall, his back to Buffy. His face hidden from Buffy, and hers hidden from his view.

Sincere emotions swirled through his consciousness. He pounded them away.

He managed in a jovial voice, "Thanks a bloody lot. Y'know I didn't need you to stay and hear me sing."

He pulled at his pocket for his cigarettes.

There was no answer from Buffy, and his fingers shook as he lit up. He hoped she hadn't gone. "Sweet must be back again. Maybe a little violence is in our future, heh?

"And alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol."


	2. Crystal ball Pink

Buffy was in a hurry. Her lips still tingled from Spike's kisses, and she tried not to think of the complications this development brought her. Thinking of Spike as a puzzle to solve gave her cramps. Daydreaming of being with him had a different effect. He had stood talking with his back to her for ten minutes, thinking she had left already. When she finally touched him she felt the gratitude and the relief in his muscles. Shortly thereafter music had even begun again, but before Spike could start crooning she hurried out.

Buffy burst into the Magic Box. "Okay guys, big problem. That's big with a capital B."

Xander looked up from his comic book. "'T'sup, Buff, what's the big - and when I say big, I mean _big_ bad? That's with two capital B's."

Everyone looked at him like he was an idiot.

"What? Okay, go be funny all the time, see if every joke's a riot."

"Umm, can we get back to my thing?" Buffy snipped. "The new big bad's not new. But it's just as bad - I think. Still, it's definitely annoying, though. To me. And probably to you. To everyone."

Xander's eyes bulged. "This is you getting to it?"

"It's Sweet!"

Willow's eyebrows shot up. "Really? Did you _**Sing, sing a song, sing out loud, sing out strong..."**_

Buffy looked down at her feet. "It wasn't me. It- it was Spike."

"Let's not gloss this over, guys." Xander sported a vicious grin. "So fangless face belted out another show tune, eh? Well come on, don't leave us hangin'. What'd he sing? 'It's raining men'? 'Where the Boys Are'? C'mon, Buff, give. Give."

Dawn glared. "Not funny, jerk. Buffy, what did Spike sing, or better yet how did he sound? I bet he has a great voice"

Buffy sat beside her. "Well Dawnie, what he sang was a little personal and I don't want to tell. But he sings great.

"Not flat at all." Buffy glanced Xander's way as she said this.

Xander waggled his head at her. "So Tommy Tune can sing. Big deal, real men do construction and drink beer."

"And burp and fart," Anya added helpfully, patting Xander's tummy.

Buffy got serious. "If Sweet's back, making us sing isn't the big point, is it?"

Willow nodded. "Yup. I think we'd better hit the research."

OMWF****OMWF****OMWF

After some hours of poring over demonology books and spell collections Tara slapped the table. "Stop looking at me."

Willow gave her a guilty glance. "I'm just ... making sure you don't mess up, or - goof off."

Soft music surrounded them.

"Oh crud, again?" Willow jumped from her seat and made for the door. Her momentum turned into an awkward dance combination. She did a spinning nturn and almost fell.

She damned all the eyes that fixed on her.

**_"Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this. I just need a compass and a willing accomplice. All the doubts that fill my head come cascading down again, up and down and down again, down and up and round again." _**

Willow looked around and thought of all the times her courage gave out because of all the doubts and fears and what ifs. And also of all the times she could have done the right thing but took the chance instead, except all the chances she seemed to take all lead back to her miserable.

**_"Oh- I've- had my chances and I've taken 'em all, just to end up right here back on the floor. Right here back on the floor. Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel. Fortune teller tells me 'maybe you won't go to hell' " _**

Willow looked at Tara, her former flame and the last person to tell her what her fortune was. _"Hmm, that's laughable. The crystal ball was even broken"_

**_"But I'm not scared at all. Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm. Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball."_**

Willow surveyed her friends; they looked scared to death wondering if they'd be the next to sing. Xander was hiding behind the table Buffy was sticking close to the door and Anya was counting her money looking a bit peeved. And then there was Tara, standing there. She looked embarrassed and just a little guilty as well as scared.

**_"Sometimes you think everything is fine wrapped up inside a diamond ring. Love just needs a witness and a little forgiveness. And a halo of patience and a less sporadic face, and I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes. Oh- I've- felt- fire- and I've been burned, but I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned. I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned." _**

To Willow's surprise, she started to dance more gracefully. It was almost fun.

**_"Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel. Fortune teller says maybe you won't go to hell. But I'm not scared at all. Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm. The cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball."_**

Willow looked Tara straight in the eyes. Oz, Xander. Tara. Would she ever truly find love? All thoughts of gambiting Sweet was gone. All embarrassment, gone.

Everyone in this room had hurt her, one way or another.

Except Anya. Willow glanced at her, singing some counting song to herself as she counted her bills and change.

**_"Irony, irony this hating love; hating love for what it's done to me. What it's done to me, what it's done, done. Pennies in a well, a million dollar in the fountain of a hotel. Broken mirrors and a black cat's cold stare. Walking under latter on my way to hell, but I'm not scared at all. Mmm- mmm- mmm- mmm. No I'm not scared at all, of the cracks in the crystal yeah the cracks in the crystal ball." *_**

The music end and Willow's body became still.

"The research can wait," she murmured softly.

The wine, however, could not.

"I'm going home," she told them.

The gang remained quiet, except for Anya, "Two-fifty three, two-fifty four, two-fifty five..."

Tara stood up. "Willow?"

Willow opened the door. "Bye," she said and slipped out.

Her feet started her in the direction of home. She hoped none of the others would follow her. She noticed eventually that her feet had turned; she was going to the cemetery. Spike's cemetery.

* **Crystal Ball by Pink**** : - )**


	3. Red Red Wine UB40

Willow paused at Spike's crypt. She wondered what she could say to him if he was home. _Hi Spike, I was in the neighborhood. Hey Spike-o, just thought I'd drop by. Hullo Spike old man, wanna get drunk together? _She shook her head gloomily. Maybe inspiration would hit her if she just ...

She rapped on the crypt door.

"What?" came Spike's muffled voice.

"Willow here." Willow tried to bite off another word, but ... she had nothing.

"Come in, stay out, I don't bloody care."

Willow shrugged and pushed the door open. Spike lay stretched out on his couch. He held a bottle on his chest, and Willow guessed it wasn't sodie-pop.

"'Ello, Red. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Pleasure?" Her mind reeled. "What? Oh, the pleasure of my visit."

"You got something more in mind?"

"Actually I was hoping to get drunk."

Spike raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Well then. Get a bottle from the fridge and join the party."

The fridge held packets of blood, a jar of mustard and an assortment of alcoholic beverages. There was a bottle of red wine and she took it. Spike sat up to make room for her, and she sat next to him and proffered the bottle hopefully. "Got a corkscrew in here somewhere?"

He took the bottle and drove a fingernail into the cork, pulling it out with a nice loud pop.

"Thank God." Willow took a swallow.

Spike chuckled. "Luv, I'm pretty sure that God keeps a wide berth around me."

Willow sipped again then turned to Spike. "Ah, come on, you're not that bad a guy. What makes you think God doesn't at least check up on ya?"

"Hmm. I _am_ a bad guy, Red. Not only do I have no friends, I certainly have none in high places."

Willow let some more wine in with his words. She nodded, the alcohol taking quick hold, as it did on the rare occasions she drank. "Are you a little down, and by down I mean, thinking of the Buffster?"

"I try not to think about her." He took a large swallow from his bottle. Willow saw it was vodka. "It makes more sense to think around her, and leave a wide berth."

"I get that. Tara's making life very hard for me of late."

They clanked their bottles in a toast and drank some more.

The wine was getting to Willow. She closed her eyes, and heard some good reggae music start playing. She opened her eyes and started to tell Spike she liked it, but what came out was song, and Spike helplessly sat singing with her. _Sweet. _Should have known, she thought.

**_Red red wine_**

**_Goes to my head_**

**_Makes me forget that I_**

**_Still need her so_**

Spike fit a quick slug of booze in between stanzas. Willow made a mental note to do the same next time.

**_Red red wine_**

**_It's up to you_**

**_All I can do I've done_**

**_Memories won't go_**

**_Memories won't go_**

Willow timed it perfectly, and poured the wine into the back of her throat. Too much went in, and she was about to explode into coughing, but Sweet's curse called for singing, and singing she would do. Suddenly her throat was clear, her voice belting out in tandem with Spike,

**_I just thought that with time_**

**_Thoughts of you would leave my head_**

_**I was wrong, now I find **_

_**Just one thing makes me forget**_

Willow knew the song, it was an oldie by UB40 from the 'eighties, but she had heard its lilting lament before. She had never memorized the words, but they came to her easily, and she meant them. They oddly expressed the sadness welled up within her. Watching Spike's face as he sang, looking at her, she felt a connection. She sensed he sang from the heart.

_**Red red wine**_

**_Stay close to me_**

**_Don't le me be in love_**

**_It's tearin' apart _**

**_My blue, blue heart_**

Willow shakily set her wine bottle on the floor. She saw Spike do the same.

**_Red red wine you make me feel so fine Alla the time Alla the time ... _**

Willow was singing the scatty ending, but Spike was free of the singing mania, and he took her elbows in hand and pressed his lips to hers. She kissed back, hard. Bit his lower lip, twisting and getting the iron taste of blood. _How do **you** like it, fella?_

Spike pulled back. "I think you've had a little too, um — right, a little too much to drink. I'm just going to hafta drink your, um — your booze."

Willow stood up, and her legs wavered like the Golden Gate bridge in a high wind.

"Luv, you're drunk. Your legs are like spaghetti."

Willow set her jaw defiantly. Hitching one leg onto the couch, she tapped her thigh and pulled her skirt up to show off her leg. "This look like spaghetti to you? Prime womanhood,

Mr. Man."

She lost her balance but Spike was quick. He caught her and lowered her to the couch.

"Your legs are delectable, my dear. And you are very very drunk. Our next song will be 'One tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor.'"

He tried to say that anyway, and Willow guffawed at the attempt.

Spike laughed too and Willow pulled at his neck, bringing his face down to hers. Spike let the kiss happen, but when she tried to pull his body on to hers he took her arms off.

"Listen Pet, I can't do this. You'd hate yourself tomorrow."

Willow focused her eyes. "Yeah, but I'll thank myself tonight."

It was amazing how fast she could strip off her top, what with her level of intoxication. Her practiced fingers undid her bra's front snap and her breasts swelled and made the ends flop back.

Spike eyed her for a second, then looked upward. "I tried."


	4. Caught!

Spike sat on a grave as twilight fell, smoking and messing with a Daddy Long Legs spider as it stilted across the grass. The arachnid would get across a couple of feet of turf, only to have Spike's toe push it back again. It vaguely recalled to his mind the way Angelus would toy with his victims. The memory of his nemesis put Spike immediately in a foul mood, and he dreaded the start of any music. He was in no mood to sing. Well, he thought, am I ever?

He flicked his cigarette away, then immediately lit another as he pushed ol' Daddy back a few feet.

He sensed Buffy coming, and he stood up.

"So, you ready?"

Spike felt a stab of discomfort. There was no way she knew about Willow, yet he felt exposed. He turned away from her and lifted his foot to mash the spider, but it had scuttled away into the darkness. For an instant Spike was envious.

"Yeah. let's have a good night's killing."

They walked together, purposefully. A song of unknown music started playing in their ears. They sang and danced a pas de deux, then continued on as if nothing happened. This was old territory.

"You mad about something?" Buffy asked him.

"Why d'you ask?"

"You seem a little down."

"I lost a victim tonight already." He explained, and Buffy laughed.

"Daddy Long Legs are good spiders. They - "

"They kill other spiders," Spike finished for her. "I'm a Demon Long Legs, uh? I kill other demons."

"Except the spider's a cute little thing."

Spike shrugged that off.

They encountered two vamps that night. The first one Spike leapt on with extreme prejudice, pounding away until the facial bones shattered. Buffy was revolted by his brutalty, and pushed her stake into his hand. When Spike struck it home, the vamp almost sighed with relief before it dissipated into a dust cloud. Spike just watched Buffy take out the next vamp quickly, efficiently. He didn't comment, and they silently traversed the cemetery until dawn came.

"I think I'll retire now, Slayer," he told Buffy, his face all wide-eyed innocence.

"Wow, not even going to offer me a morning-cap as usual?"

"You wanna drink?"

"A long streaming wash of no."

"Great." He walked off toward his crypt.

"I could use a soft drink."

"Fresh out, love." Spike kept walking. He'd make it okay with her later, right now he felt a scarlet A on his chest. He shook his head in bemusement, wondering why over 150 years of existing had failed to provide him with the mental tools to handle one slaying twenty-something.

At his crypt, Willow was waiting, leaning on the door.

"What?" he demanded, unlocking it.

"Wanted to see you," she replied, a hurt puppy.

Spike peered around, opened his crypt and motioned Willow inside.

"Look, Willow," he began.

"I know what you're going to say. One time is enough, and you don't want me clingy."

"I never figured on this happening, the way you are and all."

Willow drew a sharp breath. "The _way I am?_ You think I only like women?"

Spike shrugged. "Except maybe after some wine?"

Willow stepped in close. "I actually haven't drunk anything since last night."

Spike's senses drank her in. Maybe it was her enchanting spells, or the rebound of guilt, or just his arrested libido, but Spike responded to her and then all was lost.

Buffy paused outside the crypt. She was curious why Spike seemed moody, yet she didn't want him thinking she cared. She took a breath and pushed her way in. The lock was on, but she snapped it. Slayer strength.

The crypt was empty.

She pulled open the trapdoor to the underground area that constituted Spike's bedroom, with which she had passing familiarity. She descended the ladder, laughing quietly to herself as she recalled being with him while invisible, and Xander walking in. For once, being transparent, she had been bold and playful. Maybe that's what was called for here.

With that thought in mind, Buffy took off her jacket and pulled her sweater over her head, draping them over a rung, and at the foot she removed her bra, spinning it around a finger. She walked like a swivel-hipped strumpet to the bedchamber.

She dropped her bra as she saw Spike with Willow.

"Oh," Willow exclaimed, jabbing Spike's ribs. "Stop - it's Buffy.

"Aww, Buffy - this isn't -"

"Isn't what? Isn't sane?" Buffy shrilled.  
>Spike rolled over and clutched the sheet to his chest. "Um," was all he could say.<p>

Buffy clawed her bra up from the ground and stomped for the ladder.

"Go. Go, stop her," Willow cried, shoving at Spike with both hands.

Spike hung his head and ignored her. He closed his eyes and a rueful laugh jerked his body.


	5. Following Bangles

Buffy felt ridiculous, sitting in a tree and weeping. She was high up in a towering pine, so high she swayed with the slight breeze. She knew Dawn would wonder where she was, but right now,

"I don't care," she muttered.

She watched her tears drop into the abyss, following their fall with her eyes until they spattered on a bough. The music, a spare guitar riff,

_**You think I'm crazy or something. Always following you around, you say I'm a hopeless case, running obsession into the ground...**_

She heard Spike's voice singing, and silently cursed his fdamned tracking sense.

_**You call me a loser. You call me a shadowing fool. Look over your shoulder, and you say I'm haunting you**_ ...

Buffy scoped downward, looking for him. In the distance she heard trumpets and a mass of voices raised in sound. Sweet's curse was occupying most everyone else. She began climbing down.

_**So why do you call me? Why do you look for me? Why do your eyes follow me the way they do?**_

**You**_** hold me responsible. Yeah so I stand accused for causing all the trouble after High School, between him and you**_

Spike stood singing to her, with miserable apology etched in his face. Buffy shook her head. This was a stupid song, completely irrelevant. She walked away.

_**You call me a loser,**_ he continued, **_Y_**_**ou call me a shadowing fool. And you were a good girl, yeah before I taught you what it means to be cruel.**_

Buffy turned and threw the pine cone she had been saving at him. It bounced off his chest.

_**So why do you call me? I**_** know**_** you look for me. Why do your eyes follow me the way they do?"**_

As the music faded Spike's hand gripped Buffy's arm. She swung at him but he ducked, and he snatched her into his arms.

"You still smell like Willow, Spike."

His eyes pierced into hers and he held her gaze, sniffing softly to explore her accusation. Waved of Willow's perfume confirmed it, and he dropped his face in defeat. Buffy tore herself from him and ran away.


	6. Circles in the sand Belinda Carlisle

Buffy walked the beach, letting the waves wash up just to the point of wetting her feet. She knew she cut a cliched figure, the wronged woman troubled and alone, and she hated it but liked it a little, too. Situation: sucky. Friends: unconcerned. They all hated Spike anyway. Well, maybe not Willow anymore. She kicked sand into the surf, then smirked at herself.

Spike's song wouldn't retreat from her mind. She kept hearing it, and hearing it. She tried to supplant it with jingles from tv commercials, like the one from McDonald's. **_Everybody's going to McDonald's land, hurrying and scurrying to beat the band ..._**As soon as she let her mind wander, Spike was singing that damnable song again.

She wished Angel were here. Sure, she thought, forget one man by getting another. Of course, they weren't men, but vampires.

_Geez, I'm the plaything of two vampires._

She saw a log of driftwood and compulsively snatched it from the sand. "I hate my life," she howled at the world, hurling the log to sea.

"Hey," she heard, and turned to see Angel coming toward her.

Reflexively she looked to the sky.

He shook his head. "Storm brewing. Early twilight."

"You followed me here?"

"He shook his head again. "Giles. It's good you check with him regularly.

"I heard you're feeling pretty down."

Her eyes fixed on his face. "Is that all you heard?"

"What else?"

She shrugged. "I thought they might be calling my slaying skills into question. I don't work out very much anymore."

He nodded. the two stood together for some time, watching the advance and retreat of the sea.

"Sweet's doing it to Sunnydale again, I hear."

"Yeah," Buffy said. "I had to get away from all that karaoke crap."

"Good call. Luckily, in L.A. - " he stopped.

"Tell me I'm hearing things," Buffy begged, as a melody began washing over them.

_**Sun down all around, walking through the summers end. Waves crash baby don't look back, I won't walk away again**_

Oddly, it was Angel who sang. And he couldn't help it, despite the manful battle he put up. He grabbed at his jaws, he pulled his hair, he tried to slap himself silly, but after his efforts were quashed he gave in. In fact, Angel stood and belted it out like the most seasoned of lounge lizards.

_**Oh, baby, anywhere you go, we are bound together. I begin baby where you end, some things are forever!**_

_**Circles in the sand**_

_**Round and round Neverending love is what we found**_

_**And you complete the heart of me**_

_**Our love is all we need **_

_**Circles in the sand.**_

He was helpless in Sweet's curse. Buffy could only watch, horrified, as he lay in the sand and let surf break over him, while gesturing theatrically in the air.

_**Cold wind tide moves in, shiver in the salty air. Day breaks, my heart aches. I will wait for you right here**_

Buffy avoided Angel's eyes, knowing he was embarrassed. She was embarrassed too. She considered joining in, since she knew a lot of the verses, but the idea dropped like a brick, and she shook her head at herself.

_**Oh baby, when you look at me, do you see forever? I begin, baby where you end, we belong togetherrrrrrrrrr**_

_**Circles in the** **sand**._

Angel got pulled himself up and reached for Buffy's hand. He sang to her as they walked, caressing her cheek with his free hand, which was wet and salty.

_**Baby can you hear me? Can hear me calling? **_

_**Oh, oh oh, baby anywhere you go we are bound together. I begin baby where you end. Some things are forever.**_

_**Circle in the sand, round and round. Circle in the sand. **_

After the song ended, they continued to walk, and silently. They reached the parking lot and stopped at Angel's car.

"Angel," she said, "could you hold me?"

He held her, and she didn't mind his damp clothes.

"Angel, don't leave again."

He continued to hold her, but she could feel the lack of acquiescence in his muscles. He was going to leave her again.

She kissed him forcefully, prying his lips apart. Surprising him.

Spike got out of his car. His eyes were pinpoints of flame amid a blank and cold face. He was close enough to smell them, and his face reacted. He felt it regretfully with his hands and hid back in his car. This was no fight for his demon side.

This was no fight for him at all.


	7. Animal I have become Three days grace

Buffy stopped by her front door and turned towards Angel. "I'm gonna go see if Dawn has gone to her friend's house yet, plus a nice shower can't hurt. How 'bout we meet up at the Magic Box?"

"Sounds good to me," Angel nodded. "See you soon then."

He kissed her before he walked away.

Buffy went in, moving mechanically as Angel's kiss still tingled on her lips. He always kissed her so sweetly, and his touch was cold but hot, made her feel heat. But he always seemed so ... holdbacky when he kissed her. With Spike, it was like ... like he kissed with his entire self, holding nothing back. He was surrendering to her, totally vulnerable. There to be hurt or healed, loved or crushed. So easily crushed, by a word, or a simple gesture. She had done it before. But Angel, he always kept his emotions in a cage. Never ever really shared with her. Spike wore his heart on his sleeve, even when he tried not to. Angel kept secrets, as if protecting her. Spike poured everything he was into her hands, opened himself up completely, never caring how deeply he might be hurt. And he could be hurt deeply. Angel was reserved, always protecting himself.

She put her coat in the closet and closed the closet door.

Spike was there. Buffy jumped. "Geez Spike, stalk much? What the hell do you want?"

He ignored the question. "I went looking for you, ya know, after you ran away." He stepped closer. "I saw the most interesting thing, too. Can you guess what that was?"

Buffy took a step back. "Spike, I want you to leave. Now, okay, and we can talk later."

Spike took a step toward her. "It was you. You and Angel looked real comfortable together. You drop everything whenever he traipses up, don't you? Even me. Maybe you think I'm a doormat, because I'm stupid enough to love you."

He snatched her by her arms.

"Why snog my grand Sire? Of all people to slap 'n' tickle with, why you hafta choose him? You hate me that much?"

Buffy glared defiantly. "You're not scaring me, Spike. I've seen your darkest side and I've beaten it to crap. Plus you aren't that dark anymore. News flash - you've changed."

"Have I?" He abruptly pushed her to the floor. "I was poet, once. You think 'cause I love you I'm back to bein' Bloody William? I'm not, I'm a vampire. An undead, bloodsucking vampire with an evil black heart. Remember that. Remember that I'm an animal."

He stood back, and Buffy gained her feet.

"This craziness has to stop," she told him.

Spike backhanded her.

She took the slap and stuck up her chin, defiant. Then she punched him straight and hard, her fist landing on his cheek with a thud. He took a step back, feeling his battered cheek. All at once he struck her with a round kick, knocking her back. He leapt forward and grabbed her, thrusting his mouth on hers. She struggled fpr a second, then his tongue invaded her mouth and she submitted, grabbing him with both arms.

Spike jumped back from her. Buffy opened her eyes and looked back questioningly. Spike sped to the door and swung it open, running out into the night.

He sprinted for two blocks then slowed, swinging punches in the air, trembling from the maelstrom of emotion that quivered his muscles and galvanized his dead heart. Rock music filled the air, and he opened up and sang to it with a snarl on his face.

"_**I can't escape this hell. So many times I've tried, but I'm still caged inside."**_

"_**Somebody get me through this nightmare I can't control myself."**_

Spike hopped into the street and threw kicks in the air to puncuate the words and beat.

"_**So what if you can see the darkest side of me. No one will ever change this animal I've become. Help me believe it's not the real me. Somebody help me tame this animal. This Animal!"**_

He'd told Buffy he was a changed man. Did she believe him, ever? He slammed his fist into a tree.

"_**I can't escape myself. So many times I've lied. But there's still rage inside. Somebody get me through this nightmare I can't control myself."**_

Spike side-kicked a car and it raised on one side, before crashing down again.

"_**So what if you can see the darkest side of me. No one will ever change the animal I have become.**_ _**. Help me believe it's not the real me. Somebody help me tame this animal! Help me believe it's not the real me. Somebody help me tame this animal!"**_

Spike vamped out and screamed.

"_**Somebody help me through this nightmare. I can't control myself. Somebody wake me from this nightmare I can't escape this hell."**_

"_**This animal. This animal.**_ _**This animal. This animal.**_ _**This animal. This animal. THIS ANIMAL!"**_

Spike dropped to his knees.

"_**So what if you can see the darkest side of me. No one can change this animal I have become. Help me believe it's not the real me. Somebody tame this animal I have become. Somebody help me tame this ANIMAL"**_

He let himself cry there, on his knees in the street, a regular nutjob.

On the sidewalk Buffy hid behind a tree, watching Spike. His tears were infectious, and she wiped her eyes with her sleeve. Silently, she walked up to him.

He dropped his hands from his face as he sensed her presence. he looked up at her, helpless and full of self loathing.

She knelt beside him and kissed Spike on the lips softly. He lifted his arms but she pushed them off. The two rose to their feet, still with the soft and gentle pairing of their mouths.

the moment stretched unheeded, and any passing pedestrian might have been perturbed by the sight of this odd couple, met at the lips and standing motionless in the middle of the street.


	8. Everything I do,  Brian Adams

Anya huffed and dropped her book on the table. "I thinks it's unfair."

Xander looked up from his own large tome. "What's unfair, Ahn?"

"It's unfair that Willow gets to stop researching because Tara broke her heart, but I have a wedding to plan and I still have to research! Xander, it's not fair."

Xander looked at Dawn and Tara, then back to Anya. "Ahn. Just keep reading."

Anya walked over to the counter and started to recount her money.

She slammed it down and glared at Xander. "I can't believe you. This is our wedding, and apparently you don't care whether we have one or not."

Xander got out of his chair. "What makes you think that? I want it, I want it just as much as you. I just think stopping a demon ranks a little higher than picking out a cake and choosing centerpieces."

Anya stormed over to Xander. He stood his ground. Anya slapped his face.

Xander blinked. "Wh-why'd ya do that?"

Her eyes welled, and Anya turned away and wiped at them. "_Because_, Xander, you're a liar. You don't really love me. If you do marry me, it's because you feel trapped. You feel sorry for me. Don't you? Well _don't you_!"

She spun on Xander, fixing her sparkling eyes on him. Xander stopped back and fell into his chair.

"No, I feel sorry for me. No, it's not like that," he added hastily, seeing Anya's expression harden. "I don't have anyone but you Ahn, I love you and I pity myself if I can't have you as my wife. I want you with me for the rest of my life. I love you."

Anya smiled, then her eyes shot upward at the advent of soft piano music.

She smiled excitedly. "Ooh, it looks like we're getting a song. I hope I know it."

Xander rolled his eyes, hoping the song would be all Anya. The music was familiar, and a mnemonic of its source. It reminded Xander of Kevin Costner in kelly green tights with a bad English accent. He remembered the song and cringed, but his mouth opened anyway, and sang,

_**Look into my eyes, and you will see, what you mean to me.  
>Search your heart, search your soul. When you find me there you'll search no more<strong>_

Xander stood and took Anya's hands.

_**Don't tell me it's not worth trying for. You can't tell me it's not worth dying for.  
>You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you<strong>_

Xander's hands slipped to Anya's waist and they swayed slowly as he continued.

_**Look into your heart, you will find, there is nothing there to hide.  
>Take me as I am, take my life, I would give it all, I would sacrifice<strong>_

Anya put her head on Xander's shoulder.

_**Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for. I can't help it, there's nothing I want more.  
>You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you<strong>_

He picked her up and swirled around, his two left feet all at once graceful and sure.

_**There is no love, like your love. And no other, could give me more love  
>There's nowhere, unless you're there, all the time, all the way<strong>_

He cupped Anya's face tenderly and finished,

_**You know it's true, everything I do ... oh ohhh, I do it for you."**_

They kissed for a long time.

"Still wonder if I want to marry you?"

Anya shook her head. "No, but I want to know why you do."

Xander pulled out of Anya's embrace and jumped clumsily onto the book-strewn table. He performed an exaggerated soft shoe routine and sang, "I! Love this woman! Love this woman and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life making her laugh and making her money and making her feel loooooooved, happy and safe. I'm marrying! This beautiful woman! Because I lucked out and she took pity on me allowing me to love her for the rest of my liiiiiiife."

He hopped down and his left leg failed him, and Xander crashed to the floor. He did a staccato shuffle with his feet from down there. Then he did jazz hands and seethed, "Ta-Daaaa," and joined Anya in laughter.

She sank beside him and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Whadja think?"

Anya shrugged. "We need to tell Sweet, his songs are sucking pretty bad lately."

Xander pulled her over and got serious with his lips, which is how they were engaged when the door opened.

"You should have told me you were coming to Sunnydale," Cordelia snarled.

"You know now," Angel said.

Cordelia slapped his shoulder. "What if you were bleeding and dying in some alley and I didn't know where the heck you were?"

Angel started to retort, then he saw Anya lying on top of Xander and sighed.

"We must've taken a wrong turn and wound up in Anya's favorite alley."

Anya laughed. "I get it." Xander worked his way out from under her and groaned to his feet.

"What are you guys doing here?"

Cordelia jerked a thumb at Angel. "He wants to get Buffy back."

"Oh?" Xander stood up straight and regarded Angel impassively. "You want to do that, huh?"

Angel looked at him but didn't answer.

"Well," Xander continued, "there's a good chance she'll take you back. Even if it's out of pure pity. Oh, yeah. She's in the market for sloppy seconds."

"That's not right."

Xander cocked his head. "What?"

Angel squared his shoulders. "Sloppy seconds means someone else's date. You pick someone up on the rebound. This would be called, getting back together. Sloppy seconds is more along the lines of what you have all over your shirt front."

"Hey. Shut up, Angel."

"I was talking about the gravy stains, Anya."

"Oh." Anya pulled at Xander's shirt, lifting it up to reveal his torso. Xander pulled back, protesting under his breath.

"Yeah, you need to wash this, Xander." She ducked down a little and pointed. "And your stomach's getting so fat. You need to diet. Hey, you can lay off the gravy and kill two birds with one stone. You won't be a slob, and you won't be so fat."

Angel cracked a slight smile, the equivalent of howling with mirth.

Xander pulled away from Anya and settled his shirt. "You know," he said to the room, "I'd rather see Buff with Spike than with Angel. At least I know where _he_ stands."

Angel took a few step towards Xander. "What's that supposed to mean, gravy boy?"

Xander growled lamely and raised claws. "Spike doesn't pretend to be anything but what he is. Other people, well, they like to play make-believe."

"What's that mean?" Cordy demanded.

"Let's make believe you have the stones to say what you really mean," Angel said. He moved in on Xander until they nearly touched.

Xander raised his hands.

The door swung open, and Buffy strode in.

"Hey," she called, "what's up?"


	9. A year without rain Selina Gomez

"Hello," Xander called to Buffy.

"Hello," Cordy seethed.

"Hello," Angel muttered.

Buffy skipped down the steps and clapped her hands. "Wow, I merit the three stooges greeting. "Come on, all together. She started singing a final "Heeeelloooo." But they didn't join in.

"Needs work."

Angel said, "I was just telling them about us getting back together."

All were silent.

Angel opened his mouth again but nothing came to him to say. Buffy noticed.

"Oh, okay, oh. Getting together again. Oh."

Angel's eyes shifted from Buffy to Cordelia. "You know, Cordy's here to babysit me. You know, 'No dying in an ally, no having fun' protection. I never leave home without her."

Cordelia flushed. She turned away. Angel looked around, not knowing what verbal faux pas he had made.

Cordelia turned back to them. "He needed someone watching _his _back. For once."

"Cordy," Angel reproached.

"What, Angel?" she bit off each word.

"Knock it off, will you? Buffy's been there, and so have you. She cares about me … about everyone." He shifted his feet and looked at them.

Cordelia snorted. "She doesn't even _know_ you. I do, though. I know him," she finished, widening her gaze in Buffy's direction.

Angel said through his teeth, "You know me so well, why don't you cool it?"

"Why are you mad?"

"Why don't you cool it?"

"Why are you mad?" Cordy insisted.

"I was wrong,' Buffy interjected. "You're great at the Three Stooges.

"Listen, Princess Cordelia," Angel snapped, "Buffy knows me, and knowing me she loves me, so get that through your tiny, conceited little brain, you bratty little pup!"

Buffy grabbed Angel's arm. "Hey! Calm down Angel."

He shook her hand off. "Another thing -– "

Cordelia punched him in the mouth.

"Thast is what I call priceless." Spike sauntered in, chuckling. "Do it again, and I'll put a price on it."

Angel shot him a lethal glare.

Buffy frowned. "Easy Angel. She's in love with you, can't you see?"

"Forget it." Cordelia whined. She threw her hands over her mouth. "You'll be very happy together."

She ran to the door and tried to slam it behind her. The hydrolic doorstop prevented that.

Cordy stuck her head through the door. "One more thing, Angel."

They all looked at her.

"That vision I told you about? It's an apolalypse, a bad one. Coming soon to a hellmouth near you, so … pretty important, huh? But I'll knock it off and let you stay with the widdle Buffster. You like that."

She disappeared again.

"I think she's kidding," Angel said.

"That's an assumption that _can't _backfire, " Xander commented.

"Cordelia stuck her head in again. "And just so you know, Angel. I _am _a princess, okay. But I lost sight of that twice in my life. Dating that mega loser Xander, and even worse when I got tangled up with you!"

She disappeared again.

Xander bent forward with his elbows on his knees. He said, "Man, so harsh. Why'd she hafta hit me with that?"

Angel looked helplessly at Buffy. "I should get her. Apologize."

Buffy shrugged.

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Why the rush, you gone poofter on us?"

Angel wrinkled his nose at him.

"Look out." Spike covered his face with his arms. "Angelus is going vamp."

Angel ran out and followed Cordelia. She ran fast, and they were at the park before he caught up.

"Cordy, Cordelia wait." he grabbed her arm. "Cor - listen, I'm sorry, I don't know why I said what I did but I didn't mean it."

"Okay, you're sorry. But Buffy's your true love. Go be with her."

"No, Buffy was right."

Cordelia cocked her head back. "What do you mean, she was right?"

"When she said you love me. I know she was right."

"You conceited, zombie - vampire." Coredy twisted her arm from Angel's grip and started walking away.

Angel hopped after her. "I love you, too."

"Chasing Buffy's the best way to show it."

He jumped in front of her. "You know I would never say that unless it were true. Do you really love me?"

Cordy crossed her arms. She drew a deep breath. "Yes I love you. Idiot. I don't know when it happened, but God knows I love you."

Music fluted in the air, surrounding them. Cordy rolled her eyes. Angel hung his head. Neither relished singing.

Cordy opened her mouth and, with startled eyes, sang,

_**"Can you feel me When I think about you? With every breath I take, every minute,  
>no matter what I do. My world is an empty place<strong>_ _**like I've been wanderin' the desert  
>For a thousand days. Don't know if it's a mirage, but I always see your face, baby"<strong>_

Angel faced away from Cordy. he didn't want to embarrass her by watching openly. He used his peripheral vision. Cordy swayed as she sang.

_**"I'm missing you so much Can't help it, I'm in love A day without you is like a year without rain I need you by my side**_ _**Don't know how I'll survive A day without you is like a year without rain**_. _**Whhoooaaa**_

Cordy performed spins and leaps with absolute grace and skill, astonishing Angel. Her feet carried her in complicated steps, formations around him. She twisted, sashayed, and stutter-stepped in rythm. Angel felt a surge of lightfootedness in himself, and he clenched his fists and his jaw, forcing the feeling to pass.

_**"The stars are burning I hear your voice in my mind Can you hear me calling  
>My heart is yearning Like the ocean that's running dry Catch me I'm fallin'<br>It's like the ground is crumbling underneath my feet Won't you save me." **_

Cordelia's tears whipped Angel's face as she danced past him. He wanted to say something to her, but knew he would have to wait until the song ended.

_**"I'm missing you so much Can't help it, I'm in love A day without you is like a year without rain I need you by my side Don't know how I'll survive A day without you is like a year without rain So let this drought come to an end And may this desert flower again And I need you here I can't explain But a day without you Is like a year without rain**_

_**"I'm missing you so much Can't help it, I'm in love A day without you is like a year without rain I need you by my side Don't know how I'll survive A day without you is like a year without rain"**_

The music faded. Cordelia's final spin wound down, leaving them face to face. He held his hands up, just short of touching her.

"I'm not going anywhere, Cordy. I'm with you, however you feel. Whatever you want to do."

She pulled his arms onto her. "I just want you, Angel. I want you to be my Angel."

"Done."

She pulled back a little and brushed her hair back. "And tell Buffy you're mine, and we're going back to L.A."

"Done."

"And tell her she's a bitch."

Angel looked pained.

"Fine. I'm kidding. Where's Connor, anyway?"

"Lorne and Fred are watching him."

"Shut up," Cordelia said, and kissed him.

After a minute Angel said, "If you want me to shut up, why are you -"

She shut him up.


	10. Word so cold Three days grace

After Angel ran out to intercept Cordelia, Spike indulged in some triumphal sniggering.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Angel's running off in every drection, like some sick schoolboy. You'd think he was born yesterday, not in the seventeen hundreds."

Buffy shrugged and moved uncertainly toward him. "I ... I'm sorry about what happened, Spike."

Spike gathered her in his arms. "You don't need to say it, nor sing it or mail it in, Slayer. We're square."

"Yeah?" she gazed up at him.

He brushed his fingers through her long blond locks. "Yeah,' he affirmed and kissed her pouting lips. "I was scared, he explained after their lips parted. "As always with these damned songs, my emotions get the sticky wicket, but as long as all is cricket in the end, it's good chook."

Buffy laughed quietly then took on a stern expression. "That's exactly what I was going to say. You must be a mind reader."

Spike nodded vacantly. "I have to go now, but I'll see you later.

Buffy shook her head. "Not now. I need to be with you right now."

"You are, Love."He kissed the top of her head and strode to the door. "We're square, so I _am _with you, even when we're apart."

He blew her a kiss.

"Spike, no!" Tears welled in Buffy's eyes, and she brought her fists pounding to her head, angry at the inexplicable emotions, the sense of abandonment she couldn't figure.

_Sweet._

"I want you to leave,' she said to her departed lover. "Leave me alone. I don't want you around, I hate you. I hate you and I hate me."

She fell to her knees.

"I don't want to love you," she yelled. "Why? Why do I?"

Spike listened from outside. He clenched his fists and had to suppress the rage building within him. He wanted to punch tghe door, to break something. He ran blindly, letting the maelstrom of though swirl unrecognizably in a stream, as his eyes took in shuttered visions. The street, her face. The ground, her face. His churning boots, and Buffy's face looking at him, kissing him.

His stride shortened, and he stopped abruptly and belted into cathartic song.

_**"I never thought I'd feel this. Guilty and I'm broken down inside. Living with myself, nothing but lies."**_

So easy when he was evil. So black and white.

_**"I always thought I'd make it, but never knew I'd let it get so bad, living with myself is all I have**_."

She hated him. When she was alone and thought none could hear, the truth came out.

_**"I feel numb, I can't come to life, I feel like I'm frozen in time! Living in a world so cold, wasting away! Living in a shell with no soul, since you've gone away! Living in a world so cold, counting the ways! That you've gone away, you've gone away!"**_

Spike was an easy shag to her. And her good manners caused her to turn hypocrite. He was not special to her. He was the lowest.

_**"Do you ever feel me? Do you ever look deep down inside, staring at yourself, paralyzed?"**_

He sensed a vamp nearby and ran toward the tree behind which it cowered.

_**"I feel numb, I can't come to life, I feel like I'm frozen in time! Living in a world so cold, wasting away! Living in a shell with no soul, since you've gone away! Living in a world so cold, counting the days !Since you've gone away, you've gone away, from me!"**_

The vampire sw him and advanced, fangs bared and in a fighting stance. Spike was quicksilver flashing to him, his fist thudding home.

_**"I was too young to lose my soul. I was too young to lose my soul! for so long I'm left behind, I feel like I'm losing my mind."**_

His knuckles dealt out his pain in small measure, eliciting satisfying crunches from breaking bones and teeth. Images of Buffy turning him away, so many times. Why is an old man such as Spike so fixated on a slatternly pup like her?

_**"Living in a world so cold, wasting away! Living in a shell with no soul, since you've gone away! Living in a world so cold, counting the way that you've gone away, you've gone away, from me!"**_

Spike regained the use of his own feet as the music stopped, and he fell on his face in the grass, pounding it with both fists. The vampire lay beside him, beaten to a pulp.

"I want to be human!" he screamed. "I want to be evil!" Competing desires. _I want her. I want to kill her. _He wasn't aware again until he found himselfheaded to Angel's old mansion hideout. He climbed the hill overlooking Sunnydale, and stopped to gaze on the purpled jewels of its lights.

Sunnydale. He could do it here, in good old Sunnydale. He could end his pain forever.


	11. Bring me to life Evanescence

Buffy repeated the words, shouting them out. "I hate you Spike, I want to be left alone."

It was so simple before, when she meant those words. How could she be so tied into the vampire now? Wasn't he the same? His hair looked the same. He had the same delineated cheekbones, muscular body, the sardonic curl to her lip. She used to daydream of him, of staking him, stilling that sarcastic mockery, turning that arrogant sneer to dust.

"I love you, Spike," she said softly. It was so real, it seemed to fit so surely into the world, yet it didn't. It complicated everything to a breaking point.

She got off her knees. She felt as though he was there before her even now. That wqas what he had said, that they were square. Together even when apart.

"I don't want to love you," she told him. "You're a monster."

_Why can't I stop? _

…_._

"The heart wants what it wants."

Xander rolled his eyes at Anya. "Are you freakin' kidding me? The heart can't possibly be that stupid."

Anya hit him stomach. "Don't be a baby," she snapped at his protest. "Buffy loves a demon. At least she has the guts to admit it. She has the right to pick who she wants, right girlfriend?"

Tara nodded.

"But -"

"No buts, Xander. Don't say or do anything against them, or I'll drum up a little vengeance on you, mister. Love should live. Viva love."

"Viva," Tara agreed.  
>"What could I say that I haven't already?" Xander threw his hands to his head and wiped them wearily down his face. "We need to get out more, meet some people. We're like Fleetwood Mac, everybody having ill-starred romances with everybody else."<p>

Anya hit him on the back. "That's what I mean, don't say stuff like that. And who in the gang have you been with, other than me?"

Xander tried to get his hand to where she'd slapped him. "Enough with the hitting. Seriously though. If Spike hurts her, will stake him."

…..

Buffy found herself walking through the cemetery, Spike's cemetery. His face wouldn't leave her inner sight, and she lingered on the memory of it. Was it always beautiful? Music wended into her consciousness and she wistfully sang.

_**How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core,  
>where I've become so numb, without a soul my spirits sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there and lead, it, back, home.<strong>_

He was dead. But his love was so _alive._ How could that be wrong. If God sent a true love to her, could he despise Spike? He must love Spike, and so her love for him had to be right. Their love made them both alive. A Kandarian demon stepped from behind a tree to join her in the chorus.

_**(Wake me up) Wake me up inside  
>(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside<br>(Save me) call my name and save me from the dark  
>(Wake me up) bid my blood to run<br>(I can't wake up) before I come undone  
>(Save me) save me from the nothing I've become<strong>_

Buffy conceded that for once she had the right calculus. She loved Spike, no matter what, no matter who objected. She would not, _could not _live without him.

_**Now that I know what I'm without you can't just leave me. Breathe into me and make me real  
>bring me to life<br>(Wake me up) wake me up inside  
>(I can't wake up) wake me up inside<br>(Save me) call my name and save me from the dark  
>(Wake me up) bid my blood to run<br>(I can't wake up) before I come undone  
>(Save me)save me from the nothing I've become<strong>_

_He knows me. The real me. Loves the me that's real; not the Slayer, not the cheerleader, not the face or the hair. The me. _

_**Bring me to life (I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
>bring me to life<strong>_

Life with Spike meant living. He had sung to her once, about the importance of her living.

_**Frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead. All this time I can't believe I couldn't see, kept in the dark but you were there in front of me. **_

If he were a corpse she'd still love him, love every green, rotten shred of flesh. She was his woman, his sky and his world. She knew that because he had told her, in many ways that she ignored and to her face plainly, which she had disdained.

He was brave. He faced up to his love from the moment she learned of it.

_**I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems. got to open my eyes to everything  
>without a thought, without a voice, without a soul. don't let me die here there must be something more bring me to life<br>(Wake me up) wake me up inside  
>(I can't wake up) wake me up inside<br>(Save me) call my name and save me from the dark  
>(Wake me up) bid my blood to run<br>(I can't wake up )before I come undone  
>(Save me) save me from the nothing I've become<br>(Bring me to life) I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside (Bring me to life)**_

The Kandarian demon finished his vocal backing, and looked about him in confusion. He recognized Buffy and yelped in dismay, expecting her attack. Buffy glanced at him and walked away.

She must see Spike now. Being square was fine and good, but she had needed him near her now, no excuses.

Cordelia called out her name. Buffy looked up in surprise and saw her trotting her way. Angel followed, but from his gait Buffy could see he was not enthused.

"There's something Angel needs to say," Cordy announced. She pulled Angel forward by his sleeve.

"Right," Angel said diffidently, looking down at his feet. "There's something you should know, well two things but - never mind the one, I have another, it's more important. I think it would be best to concentrate on that, because –"

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Not that, stupid. Buffy, I had a vision and we need you and your scoobies for this one."

Angel tightened his lips in embarrassment. He nodded. "Yeah. Help."

"Well," Buffy huffed impatiently, "what was the vision?"

"A guy is going to kill himself. Tonight, I'm pretty sure. It's because of the demony thing. That's making us all act crazy, but he's crazier. I didn't see what he looked like, but I felt his pain. It's a doozy. Someone really burned him emotionally.

Spike? Buffy shook the thought as soon as it came to her.

The Kandarian demon poked its head up from behind a grave stone. "I may be able to help you find this man."

They all looked at him. Where'd he come from?" Angel asked.

"I don't know." Buffy walked toward him. "You know him?"

The demon nodded. "All I want is a guarantee not to be slain. I'm off your list."

"Okay, it's a deal."

"Thank you. I happened to see Spike heading up to the old mansion on Crawford Street. He was acting peculiarly, even for him. I think he plans on kissing the sun."

Buffy looked at the others. They shrugged. She took off running.


	12. Changes Three doors down

Spike could feel his demon rage at the thought of death as he sat. He knew the sun would be up in about forty-five minutes but he didn't care.

_I can't believe Buffy really truly hates me. I can't live without her. It's better I just leave with the mornin' wind. I'm just tired, I'm done with it all. _

Spike cursed as music tainted the still air. He stood and let the damned music take him over.

_**"I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am.  
>I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted. And nobody understands. How I feel."<strong>_

_It was true. Nobody under stands my feelings. They couldn't, they all just see me as a monster. _Spike felt a pang go through his chest at that thought. _I am a monster. A vampire no less. Not truly alive anymore, never will be again. It doesn't matter, it'll all be over soon._

_**"I'm trying hard to breathe now. But there's no air in my lungs  
>There's no one here to talk to. And the pain inside is making me numb"<strong>_

He saw a flash of blond hair as he spun around in circles. He could feel _her_ presence. _She's here? Why, to make sure I die and leave her be? _

_**"I Try to hold this under control, You can't help me, cause no one knows"**_

_Fine, if she's here she's gonna hear how __**I**__ feel for once. Maybe she'll understand what's happening to me. _Even as the spiteful thoughts flutter through his mind a little voice cut through them all. _Maybe she'll save you from yourself_

_**"Now I'm going through changes, changes. God, I feel so frustrated lately  
>When I get suffocated, save me. Now I'm going through changes, changes."<strong>_

Buffy was still standing about twenty feet from him, she hadn't moved at all. _See, she doesn't really care. I'm sure after the music fades she'll just cry about having to hear it, and how it hurt __**her**__ to hear it. She'll put me down and laugh as I burn. They'll all have a good laugh. I'm still alone, always alone. Stupid bint._

_**"Feelin' weak and weary Walkin' through the world alone  
>Everything they say every word of it cuts me to the bone, and I bleed."<strong>_

_I need someone to hear me, to care about what I say. Why am I there for other's when they need someone, but I'm left alone when I need help? Dru use to listen, but now she's gone too. I'm nothin' to them._

_**"I've got something to say But now I've got nowhere to turn  
>It feels like I've been buried Underneath all the weight of the world"<br>I try to hold this under control, They can't help me, cause no one knows**_

Something was happening to him and he felt like it was might just kill him before the sun did.

_**Now I'm going through changes, changes. God, I feel so frustrated lately. When I get suffocated, save me.  
>Now I'm going through changes, changes<strong>_

Spike felt the air grow warmer. Daylight was soon. _God, don't let her to see me die. _

_**I'm blind and shakin', bound and breakin'. Don't know if I'll make it, through all these changes**_

Buffy dropped down and tears spattered on the grass. Spike's resolve hardened. She pitied him. That wasn't love.

_his is what she really wants. She wants me to leave her alone._

_**"Now I'm going through changes, changes. God, I feel so frustrated lately  
>When I get suffocated, save me. Now I'm going through changes, changes<strong>_

It occurred to the William in him that there was a bloody good poem could come from all this emotional _sturm und drang._

_**"Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it.**_ _**But I'm going through changes, changes  
>God, I feel so frustrated lately And I get suffocated, I hate this. But I'm going through changes, changes"<strong>_

The music faded. Spike sank to the grass. Dew drops soaked into his clothes. He sensed Buffy and heard her light footfalls.

"Spike?"

She knelt and put her arm around him.

"I'm here, and I'm staying."

The words fluttered around and sifted through his consciousness, wending a path to meaning. He looked at her, and she looked back earnestly and squeezed him tightly. Slayer strength. If she stayed to see his death, it would surprise him. If she stayed close like this, she'd share it.

"Let me go."  
>"No."<p>

A glance to the east showed imminent disaster.

"You'll burn."

"I'll burn with you."

"I'll shove you away the last minute." To show he meant business, Spike vamped out and growled.

"Sure you've got the danglies for it?" Buffy growled back.

Spike collapsed on his arms and barked a half-laugh, half sigh.


	13. Forgive me Evanescence

Buffy stood in front of Spike, noting the deadness of his eyes. He broke eye contact to gaze onto the ground.

"You can't even look at me?"

He didn't answer, but a soft piano melody entered their ears. Buffy almost welcomed it.

_**"Can you forgive me again? I don't know what I said**_

_**But I didn't mean to hurt you"**_

Buffy look at Spike, he looked so despondent it killed her, her heart arched for him. I did this, it's all my fault. I hurt him so much.

_**"I heard the words come out, I felt that I would die**_

_**It hurt so much to hurt you"**_

Buffy tried to touch his face but he jerked his head and her finger only grazed his chiseled cheek. He looked up at her, and Buffy thought he would say something or yell at her, but he just sat there a broken and silent.

_**"Then you look at me. You're not shouting anymore**_

_**You're silently broken"**_

God how could I be so spiteful, so- stupid? I wish I could take it back. I didn't mean it, I do love him.

_**"I'd give anything now, to kill those words for you."**_

Buffy felt her heart flutter in hope as Spike climbed to his feet. They looked into each other's eyes. Buffy could see he wasn't going to do it. He wasn't going to wait for the sun to finish him. Relief flooded through her as she sang more.

_**"Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."**_

_**But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah."**_

This is it, I've just been given a second chance. I'm not going to blow this, I'll let him know how I really feel. No faking this time.

_**" 'Cause you were made for me. Somehow I'll make you see,**_

_**How happy you make me"**_

I love him. I can't believe it's taken me this long to figure it out. I don't know how I survived without him before, because I know I couldn't now. How did I hurt him so much before? I'm so, so sorry. He's gotta know that, all he needs to do is look at me to know that. Right?

_**"I can't live this life, without you by my side**_

_**I need you to survive. So stay with me.**_

_**You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry."**_

Buffy couldn't help but smile, the joy in her was over whelming when she saw him mouth "I do" andsmile back at her.

_**"And you forgive me again. You're my one true friend**_

_**And I never meant to hurt you"**_

The music faded and Buffy just stood there looking into the eyes of the man she loved. But He doesn't know that does he? She stared at him second longer and made up her mind.

"I love you." Buffy whispered, her eyes immediately fell to the ground.

She gasped when his cool hands cupped her face and he lifted her gaze to his. She looked so deeply into his eyes that she thought she was drowning in the affectation she saw there.

Spike pressed his lips to hers in a chaste kiss. He pulled back and rest his forehead against hers.

"If you don't love me you don't have to say you do. I won't kill m'self." The look he gave her made her rebut die on her tongue. She waited for him to go on.

"But," he quavered, "if you do love me then I will always be here. You don't need to worry about that."

Buffy couldn't take it any longer. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth to hers.

She licked and nibbled on his lips, begging entrance one more time. He moaned and Buffy took the opportunity to slide her tongue into his mouth. They stood there exploring and plundering each other's mouths till Spike slid to her neck to allow her to breath. Buffy shuddered against him, and ran her fingers through his hair.

He kissed her softly on the lips and gazed into her eyes. "Did you mean it? When you said you- did you mean it?"

"Yes. I love you Spike. God I love you so much."

Spike descended on her, devouring her mouth. His hands slid down her back and he hugged her to him. One of her hands tangled itself in his hair as the other settled on his lower back, holding him as tightly as she could.

He nuzzled her cheek, she heard a him purr from deep down in his throat. Buffy melted into him and kissed his neck. she didn't need to be back in heaven, this was all the heaven she needed, all she wanted.

"Buffy!" Angel and Cordelia's voices vibrated from the other side of the hill.

Buffy groaned and buried her face in Spike's neck. "I don't want them here." She mumbled.

"It's okay Luv, I'm here, we'll work through this together." Spike soothed, smoothing her hair back.

"You know the point in finding Spike before sunrise is to get him out of the sun."

Buffy's eyes widened as she looked at the brightening sky. She squeaked and snatched Spike's hand and pulling him towards the mansion.

Cordelia smirked at Angel, who looked hilarious standing with his jaw moving in an endeavor to get words to come out.

"Come on Angel, Don't want you to turn into a crispy critter either." She copied Buffy's action and took his hand leading him to the mansion. "Oh boy, this should be a fun morning."


	14. Fight!

Angel's face nearly went demon, right there in the middle of the mansion's main room. He watched Buffy gently examine Spike's face and chest for burns, and it took an effort for him to remain in control.

"Why uh," he began, maybe too nonchalantly, "why are you … why the hell are you two so cuddly? "

Buffy ignored him and lifted Spike's shirt, running her hand along his abdomen.

"Looks okay," she murmured.

He took her hand and clutched it to his lips, kissing her fingertips.

"Fine Luv, I am okay. Now,"

He darted his gaze briefly in Angel's direction, and the corners of Spike's mouth turned up ever so slightly. "Although you can keep checking, if you like. No objection here."

Buffy rose to her feet and regarded Angel defensively. "Don't get a mad-on over this, Angel."

Angel's jaws were tight. "So what's with all the tlc? If he were burned, what would you do, lick his wounds?"

"Maybe."

Angel's face became stony.

"I'm sorry Angel. I-I didn't plan for this to happen, but -" she shrugged and regarded him pleadingly.

"I care for Spike," she said sheepishly.

Angel's cheek twitched. "Care for him?"

"I feel deeply for him."

"What's that mean?"

"Mean?" Buffy scanned the ceining. "Love? Love. I fell in love, okay?"

Angel put a hand to his cheek to quell the twitching of the muscle under his skin.

Buffy leaned in. She whispered, "I still care for you too, Angel."

Angel gripped Buffy's hand and pulled her toward him.

"Angel" Buffy said, then again, "Angel. You're hurting me. Let go."

"Hey!" Spike sprang to his feet. "Get your bloody hands off her!"

Angel dropped her hand. "How could you betray me with him? He's … he's my grandson, for God's sake. This is a real trailer trash move, Buffy."

Spike gasped. "You grotty pinch, you're nothing to me but a blot o' eunuch jelly."

Angel waved a hand in dismissal. "You roll in the mud with that," he sneered, "I wish I'd never wasted time on you. Why don't you go lay with a chaos demon, someone with a little more class?"

Spike bellowed and shot his fist into Angel's face. The blow landed square on his nose and broke it with a loud crack. Angel staggered back. He felt his nose and started for Spike with murder in his eyes.

Spike waved him in. "Come on, Grandpa, I'll show you some charming chaos."

Angel vamped and charged. Spike dropped into a fighting stance, timing his rush. As Angel closed in he

feinted left then spun to his right. Angel swung an elbow that Spike avoided. Resetting his feet, Angel swung a backfist the followed with a lunging backfist and caught Spike a glancing blow on the mouth. As Spike backpedaled Angel lunged at him faster. He faked a hopeless long-distance punch then converted to a heel kick that slammed the point of his shoe into Spike's temple. Spike stutter-stepped, and Angel dropped into a foot sweep that sent knocked Spike's legs up and crashed him onto his back.

Angel straightened up and cast a satisfied smirk at Buffy, as if to say this is what you love? He twitched his nose, then decided to fix it right away. He clutched it with his fingers and jerked the bone back into place with a snap that made Buffy's eyes tear in empathy.

Spike was climbing to his feet, and Angel moved on him.

"A little disoriented, little Willie?" He threw a right hand that Spike avoided, then followed with a left hook to Spike's temple. Spike weathered the punch and dropped into his own foot sweep. As Angel crashed onto his back Spike chuckled and did a Muhammad Ali shuffle.

Angel rolled to his feet. "Try to come up with a move I didn't teach you."

"Like making Buffy happy?"

Angel ran at him in a fury. Spike tried to fake him out again, but Angel adjusted. He hit him under the ribs, then slammed an uppercut to his chin. Spike tried to trap his arm, but Angel used his momentum to flip him over his back. As Spike started to land Angel kicked him, knocking him back several feet. He sprang on Spike before he could recover, pulling his black coat over his head to entangle him. Lifting him to his knees, Angel fed him his knee, once, twice -"

Spike hopped to his feet. He thrust his head up into Angel's nose. He felt the crunch of fragmented bone, even through the coat. Angel hobbled back with a strangled gargle and fumbled at his nose with nervous fingers. Spike threw his coat off and stepped toward Angel.

"Round two," he said with a grim smile.

Angel mashed his nose into place. "I've … been taking it easy on you. Now-"

Spike streaked a kick to his stomach, then struck his knee with the same boot, then flashed it up to Angel's head. Angel dropped like a sack of flour.

"By all means, don't hold out on me."

Angle's face morphed back to normal. He rolled to his feet and Spike held his stance.

Angel clutched his body with both hands. "You want her?" he panted. "Take her. But let me tell you a secret," and he limped toward Spike, who dropped his hands.

Angel rolled into a roundhouse right that smacked square onto Spike's nose. Spike dropped.

"Broken nose is a bitch, aint it?"

Spike scuttled on all fours toward Angel, who rolled his eyes.

"It's over, Spike. I said -"

Spike tried to sweep his legs, and Angel hopped over them.

"Really, William -"

Spike kept spinning, launching himself from the floor with his powerful arm. He flew at Angel, who was taken off guard. Spike locked his head between his shin and calf, then twisted his body and Angel, in an opposite reaction, flew to the floor. Spike scampered onto his back and pulled Angel's leg up with one arm and his head back with the other, locking his grips for leverage.

Angel's tortured throat whistled unintelligibly. He could barely move at all.

"Ju jitsu," Spike muttered, and applied more force. "I can take your head off. Let me show you."

"Stop it. Spike, you beat him. Let him go.

Spike sighed and loosed his grip. Angel staggered up and gritted, "He didn't beat me."

He turned to Spike. "You didn't beat me."

"What, you want to start round three?"

Cordelia rushed up to them. "No more," she said. "Pissing contest over." Angel turned to her and she punched his stomach.

Angel looked hurt. "Why are you mad at me?"

"Don't give me those puppy-dog eyes," Cordelia snorted. "You saw her with him -" and she waved at Buffy and Spike - "and you become the jealous boyfriend. That's fine, except you're with me!"

"What?" Buffy exclaimed. She turned to Angel. "What are you pissed off about, if you're with her?"

Angel swallowed. "Uh, I was, uh."

Buffy took slow, predatory steps toward him. "Make words out of that."

A light bulb appeared to have clicked on above Angel's head. "I am with Cordy. I just … still love you."

Buffy dipped low, then pile-drove her fist into Angel's face. His head whipped back, his nose broken again.

"What d'you mean, still love her?" Cordy grimaced indignantly. Then to Buffy, "And who are you to hit him?"

Angel cranked his nose bones together once more.

Buffy took him by the shoulders and shook him. " You planned to dump me flat on my ass, then got pissed when you saw I had someone else. You may have a soul, but it's about as good as used toilet paper."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"What does that mean?" Cordelia demanded. "If you weren't going to hurt her, you must've planned on hurting me!"

Angel looked from one woman to the other. His eyes found Spike. "Wanna fight some more?" he asked hopefully.


	15. Breathe FAITH HILL

Anya's head lay resting on Xander's chest as he slept. She watched as the sun peeked in through the window in their room.

She canted her head to look at her fiancé's face.

He crinkled his forehead as the sun danced over his eyelids. "Five more minutes, Mom."

Anya's smiled turned into a grimace as a soothing guitar melody assaulted her ears.

Xander opened his eyes as she began to sing.

_**I can feel the magic floating in the air  
>Being with you gets me that way<br>I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've  
>Never been this swept away<strong>_

Anya brought Xander's arm to rest over her and quickly kissed his shoulder before Sweet's spell made her sing again.

_**All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze  
>When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms<br>The whole world just fades away  
>The only thing I hear<br>Is the beating of your heart**_

She was forced out of Xander's arms as the spell called for dancing.

She knelt on the end of the bed, goose-pimply in just her slip, moving involuntarily but sinuously to the music.

_**'Cause I can feel you breathe  
>It's washing over me<br>Suddenly I'm melting into you  
>There's nothing left to prove<br>Baby all we need is just to be  
>Caught up in the touch<br>The slow and steady rush  
>Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be<br>I can feel you breathe  
>Just breathe<strong>_

Anya looked at Xander's face, searching to name the expression it held.

Awe, that was the look on his face. And in his eyes, love.

She felt her heart swell and she stared intently into Xander's eyes, basking in their tenderness.

_**In a way I know my heart is waking up  
>As all the walls come tumbling down<br>I'm closer than I've ever felt before  
>And I know<br>And you know  
>There's no need for words right now<strong>_

She crawled up Xander's chest as she fished the last of the lyrics.

_**I can feel the magic floating in the air  
>Being with you gets me that way<br>**_

She dropped on him, kissing him hard.

_**OMWF***OMWF***OMWF*****_

Willow made her way erratically down the stairs, gunshots going off in her head.

Never should have had the hard stuff. Headache for days, she thought groggily.

"Willow, are you okay?"

_It can't be. _She looked up, shaking head and regretting the piercing pain it caused.

"Oz … is that you?"

Oz took her arm and helped her down the rest of the stairs. He guided her to the couch.

"The front door wasn't closed. I came in to make sure everything was copacetic."

"So … you came to Sunnydale to-to close the front door?"

Oz looked away. "No."

"Well?"  
>He sighed and faced her. "Someone contacted me, they told me that you were- that you could use a friend."<p>

Willow wanted to collapse. Oz was such a welcome sight, she wanted to do it in his arms, with a side of crying and some self-pity sauce.

She ignored the urge. "Thanks, Oz. I do. I need a friend, you know, of the nondrinky type." her lips quivering as she struggled to smile.

"I've never seen you drink. You're not an angry drunk, are you?"

"Don't know, the one time I really got drunk I kinda passed out after singing."

"You sing now too? All the good stuff happens while I'm gone."

Willow fiddled with her fingers, avoiding his eyes. "Yeah, good stuff."

He took her chin in his fingers, lifting her eyes to his. "Whatever happened, I don't care. I only care about you. You're all that matters."

Willow lift her eyebrows. "I think that's more words than I've ever heard you say at one time. What happened to the laconic Oz I know and lov-" she trailed off.

Oz shrugged.

She smiled, "There he is."

_**OMWF***OMWF***OMWF*****_

Spike lay on the bed, trying to sleep through the haze of pain his encounter with Angel had provided him. Buffy had selflessly offered to leave him alone, to sleep on the divan, but he insisted she lay next to him. His body regretted it. She had quickly fallen off to la la land, draping her arm lovingly over what was regrettably, his body. His body snarled at him to toss the arm off, but he caressed it instead.

Buffy stirred, and lifted her head to see if he slept. He looked blankly at her.

"Trouble sleeping?"

"No, I just woke," he lied. He checked his watch. "It'll be night soon. Want to get up?"

"Sure," she answered, her words elongating with her languorous stretch, which jostled Spike enough to make his teeth grind. They shared the bathroom, Spike waiting on the toilet as Buffy showered. He sneaked a peak, and the movement hurt him so bad he decided not to do it again. When she stepped naked from the shower, he chastised himself for even bothering. The thought made him laugh.

Buffy pulled a towel around her. "You're brain dead," she hissed.

"What?"

"You laugh when I leave the shower? What, am I getting some cellulite, or sagging somewhere that you never will, because you're the undead and won't age for thousands of years."

"Not a bit of it, doll, I was just thinking of something funny."

She glared at him.

"Well, don't look at me like I'm stupid."

"I'm not. I'm just thinking, too."

He shifted gingerly. "About what?" he groaned.

"How stupid you are. Take a shower." She smiled and tossed her damp towel on his head and left the bathroom.

Spike got up. His immortal body had mended a great deal in the hours since his battle with Angel, and he was getting his flexibility back. He leaned on the sink and examined himself in the mirror. Nothing. The bathroom reflected without him. He assumed his dark roots were beginning to show greatly in his hair, since he generally timed it based on average hair growth. Looking around, he found no peroxide. Angel would have to stock up for his guests a little better, he thought, and took a shower.

It was unpleasant to pull on the same blood stained clothes, but he did and stepped out to find Buffy. She was dressed and pinning up her hair.

"We're like an old, married couple," Spike observed, hugging her from behind.

She leaned into him, he grunted as she pushed into his sore ribs.

She shook him off. "You need to settle down and recover," she said around the pin in her mouth. "And watch who you call old. You're the septuacentenarian here."

"The what?"

"Septuacentenarian. It means you're a hundred and fifty year-old."

Spike snorted, "That's not a proper word."

"Yes it is."

"Prove it."

Buffy smacked him in the ribs, backhand. Spike grunted.

"See, you feel about-"

"About a hundred-fifty years old, yes love. That's not in question. I'll accept the title if you don't do that again."

Downstairs, they encountered Angel, sitting alone and staring at nothing.

Buffy approached him slowly. "Angel, where's Cordy?"  
>He slowly turned his face to her. "I think she's upstairs, but I haven't seen her since this morning.<p>

"I don't think she took off."

"Well, mate. We're going off, then," Spike said briskly. "Have a good night, then."

Buffy waved a hand at him. "Angel, are you going to be all right?"

Angel nodded. "It might be up to Cordy, but … I'll still be dead, no matter what."

Buffy pressed his shoulder. She walked to the door and motioned for Spike to follow.

"S'long mate," Spike said. "Let's not do this again anytime soon, eh?"

Angel held up his hand and remained silent.

Spike walked up to Buffy, enclosing her delicate hand in his larger one. He gave Angel one last look before walking out.


	16. What'd I Say  Almost  Elvis

Tara stepped out of her dorm, just as dusk gave way to night. Sunnydale scared her at night, a not unreasonable fear. A shiver ran up her spine, and goose pimples rose on her arms. This was for Willow, so she swallowed her fear. Or tried.

She murmured a protection spell as she passed Restfield cemetery. Buffy's house was five blocks farther, a mere fifteen minutes if she hurried.

At the sound of steps behind her she spun around. She sighed in relief as she saw Clem.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Clem said. "I'm Clem, from Buffy's birthday party?"

Never did a saggy, skin tagged demonic face seem such a welcome sight. Tara laughed in relief. "I do remember you, Clem. I'm sorry, I just get so jumpy at night."

"I understand, believe me. Say, do you know where I might find Spike? I heard that he might be in a bit of a scrape."

"No, I don't have any idea. What did you hear?"

Clem said, "Wow, you really seem worried about him."

Tara realized her brow was furrowed, and it was wearing at her facial muscles. She must have had the worried look for a while. "Certainly, I like Spike."

"That's great." Clem leaned toward her conspiratorially. "Spike thinks the entire Scooby Gang hates him. I'm glad there's at least someone who cares."

Tara shrugged. "I can't speak for everyone, but I think Spike and you have more than one friend in the gang."

Clem grinned ecstatically. "Thank you so much. About Spike, I only heard he was seen fighting somewhere. I don't know if it's true, but he has a distinctive look, so …"

"Well, I'll ask the others about it."

Clem nodded, and his floppy ears flapped like bat wings. He held up his hands. "Thanks."

Tara touched his hand and continued on the walk. She made it to Buffy's and was about to knock when she heard a crashing sound. It came from inside.

She tried the knob. It was locked, so she closed her eyes and whispered an opening spell, then tried again.

The door opened.

Willow was on the floor with Oz, and they were kissing. Making out like Burt and Debra in From Here to Eternity. They didn't notice Tara, in fact probably wouldn't have acknowledged Armageddon. Tara backed out the door slowly and pulled it shut.

She ran, not knowing how long, not feeling her body or the passage of time. Blood pulsed in her temples, her feet tromped on the pavement, and the cries that escaped her sounded foreign and far away.

Finally she reached the park. She turned into it and slowed to a walk, panting. She wiped away the moisture from her eyes in time to see the bridge where she had sung Under Your Spell to Willow, back during Sweet's first curse on Sunnydale. She headed that way.

Why not sing it again? She opened her mouth to do it, but when piano chords came from nowhere she stopped. Sweet was at it again.

She sang.

We almost shared a dream

We almost made it as a team

How nice it could have been.

We almost touched the stars

And there stood heaven, almost ours

We were just outsiders looking in.

She felt herself gesticulating, swaying. A strolling couple drawn by the song, joined her in her sad dance.

We had the chance to fall

But fate stepped in to end it all

Before it could begin.

She twirled away from them, and the couple resumed their walk.

And if it's true, you're really going

There's nothing but goodbye to say

The saddest part of all is knowing

We almost went all the way.

She finished with her arms on the railing of the Koi pond. The multicolored fish waved their tiny fins and swam next to each other. A statue of a mermaid jutted from the water like a weatherworn sentinel.

Tara put her head on her arms and closed her eyes.

"I wish I could be made of stone, like you," she told the mermaid.

…

Sweet stepped into Spike's crypt and grinned. Marvelously sepulchral, he thought. So nice the Slayer would choose to spend her happiest moments in a den for the deceased. He did a quickstep Cha Cha across the room and drew up before the trapdoor.

"Hmm, what have we here?"

He toed the trapdoor open and, with a quick glance to make sure no one was watching, descended the ladder. It was so hard to look cool or fit any graceful moves in ladder-climbing. He hit ground and did two spins into Spike's fist.

He was rarely taken by surprise.

"Tremendous punch," he complimented, rubbing his chin with the proper élan.

"Try my kick," Spike suggested.

"You first." Sweet vaulted from his repose and jitterbugged on Spike's face. The combo of kicks both bewildered Spike and knocked him for a loop.

"Try mine too," Buffy cried, leveling a flying side-kick to Sweet's skull. He landed on the dirt floor and shook his head to clear it.

"You need to quit this racket," Buffy advised.

Spike got to his knees. "Yeah. Hollywood needs lobster men like you."

Buffy said, "Maybe Spongebob Squarepants needs a new sidekick.."

Sweet raised himself on his arm, smiling indulgently. "If I get up again, will you just kick me down again?"

"Why, you want some punches for variety?"

He gave Buffy a pained look. "I had such wonderful plans for you."

"And we have 'em for you." Spike stood and picked a book off his bed. "Recognize this, old man?"

Sweet jazzed to his feet and shuffled forward. "I believe it's a beginner's primer to bewitching spells, something along the lines of a Ouija board."

He held out his hand. "May I?"

"Nice try." Spike dropped it back on the bed.

Buffy got up close to Sweet.

"I think it's time for a song and dance," Sweet said. He raised his hand.

Buffy and Spike raised theirs.

"Go ahead," Buffy challenged.

"No," Sweet shook his head, lowering his hand. "Maybe next time. I shall take my leave, now."

Buffy went to Spike's side. Spike waved. "Y'all come back now, y'hear?"

"Oh, count on it."

Sweet headed for the ladder. He met with transparent resistance. He turned back to them.

"Y'all coming back already?"

Sweet scowled. "Let me go or I'll smoke you both."

Spike and Buffy looked at each other and laughed.

Sweet brandished his hand. "I mean it."

"This is going on too long." Spike hopped onto his bed and sat. "That book, which you recognized, gives us the same power you have. You make us dance, we make you dance."

"And this is no Mexican stand-off." Buffy leaned to the side, stretching. "This is a showdown. We're not letting you out of here unless we're dead, or you're smoke."

Sweet grimaced at them fearsomely, contorting his features into a threatening monster image.

Spike burst into laughter. "Shut your gob," he snapped.

Sweet's face segued to a smile. "You don't want to challenge me. The internecine battle would result in too much pain, for all of us.

"And hasn't life with me been a little more entertaining?"

Buffy snapped her fingers.

Spike got off the bed.

"No." Sweet shifted his feet.

Buffy snapped again and again. "A one, a two, a three –"

From nowhere, fast-paced organ chords laid against a mean electric guitar boomed around them.

"Ah, look out!" Sweet railed, a wicked grim crossing his face.

The three started dancing at once. Sweet's knees shook as though palsied. Buffy snapped her fingers and rocked her shoulders. Spike did The Twist, then belted out

**Hey mama don't you treat me wrong**

**Come and love your daddy all night long alright,**

**Hey hey,**

**Alright now**

Spike was never more musical. He dipped to his heel, came up to a free spin, then a grapevine.

Buffy was more subdued, but her energy bubbled under the surface. She rocked her hips, throwing in some vertical waves. She did a drop step and used the momentum for a front kick gainer that just missed Sweet, who leaned back impossibly far, whipsawed up and then sashayed next to Buffy, dodging her syncopated arm swings.

Sweet sang the next verse.

**See the girl with the diamond ring**

**She knows how to shake her thing**

Buffy shook her thing.

**All right!**

**Hey hey**

**Ooh, all right now**

The three combatants were half-inspired, half-compelled by the enemy's spell.

The bridge of the song coincided with spouts of flame erupting from parts of all three dancers.

**Ahh-ahh!**

Sweet brought his leg up high to slap out the fire from his pantleg.

**Ohhh ohh!**

Buffy did a roll to smother the flame that came out the front of her blouse. She integrated early 1980s breakdancing techniques, so it looked good.

**Ahh!**

Spike sprouted flame from his hair. He batted it out with his hands, but didn't look cool.

Buffy and Sweet both backed Spike's vocal with their own

**Ahh**

**Oh!**

**Oh**

**Ah ah oh oh**

**Make me feel so good,**

Sweet took over.

**Make me feel so good right now**

**Make me feel so good**

**Make me feel so good right now.**

Sweet clapped his hands in time with his steps. Buffy and Spike clapped along. Despite themselves, they began mirroring Sweet's sweet moves, shaking when he was shaking, stepping in time with him. They were losing the initiative.

A thrumming change began, and Spike used it to leap onto his bed and perform a backflip. Buffy hoochie-coochied to the ground and did the splits. Seeing their wild, crowd-pleasing steps, Sweet ran halfway up the wall and flipped. He vaulted vertically to slap the ceiling, then as he landed he did a backwards somersault and shot upright to leap again. His legs kicked out in a vee, like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Flame shot out of Buffy's boots. She pulled them off. Flame spouted from Spike's shirt. He tore it off and windmilled before launching it at Sweet.

Sweet grabbed the shirt from the air as a wicked horn kicked in. He danced with the flaming shirt, whipping it out then pulling it, spinning, back to him. He held it in both hands and jumped it, then jumped it backward.

Buffy and Spike exchanged a quick look. They knew what they had to do. Spike squared off with her and let Sweet take the next verse.

**See the girl with the red dress on**

**She could do the dog all night long all right**

**Unnh hmm**

**What'd I say?**

**Tell me what'd I say**

Spike and Buffy spun to meet and clasp hands. Spike threw her back then jerked her forward, ducking as she came to lift her in a roll around his shoulder. Buffy went with it, coming down in front of Spike to drop to her knees. She shimmied there and reclined as Spike shimmied and hopped over her. She reach up, he took her hands and swept her forward. His hands locked under her arms and he rolled her to the left, to the right, then she locked her legs around him and they Cha Cha'd.

Fire shot out of Sweet's ass.

"Okay, okay," he cried, simultaneously stifling his laughter and pelting out the fire that scorched his nether cheeks. "I give up, please, **please.** Let's call this off now."

Buffy and Spike dropped exhaustedly to the floor. The music wrenched to an end, the screech of a needle pulled inexpertly off a record.

"Why … should we … let you off?" Buffy panted.

"Yeah …" Spike said, and left it at that.

Sweet sat on the ground to aid the firefighting. He hugged his knees and cackled exultantly.

"Why's he suddenly all happy?" Buffy breathed.

Spike shrugged.

"Why?" Sweet repeated. "You ask why am I so happy to have danced in the most exciting showdown since Fred Astaire met Bojangles? Well, let me think."

He roared to his feet. Buffy and Spike jumped in alarm. Sweet shuffled a soft shoe on the dirt, humming happily.

"We should kill him," Buffy told Spike.

"Naw," Sweet exclaimed, holding his hands out in a loving gesture. He hugged his shoulders. "You two have made me remember why I got into this business in the first place."

Spike said, "What, being a demon?"

"No. _Entertainment_. It's what makes life so livable, and thrillable, and winnable."

"Wait." Buffy stood up. "You didn't win here."

Sweet bowed. "I didn't defeat you, but I won. I won back some self-respect I wasn't aware had eroded. I owe this to you two."

Spike got up and found a tee shirt. "I think he's saying, he likes our dancing."

Sweet shook his head. "Not just that, it was the _fire_. I didn't cause it, and you didn't either. Well, those silly flames, yes, we did that to each other. But the true fire is in here." He slapped his chest. "I want us to be friends."

"Fine. Go away and never curse anyone here again."

Sweet bit his lower lip. "No. But I will agree never to harm anyone in Sunnydale. I reserve the right to have the good citizens, including yourselves, dance and sing. However, without fire or other means of dying over this happy activity.

"I shan't wait for your acceptance, that's my deal. Now, if you'll excuse me."

He did a quick spin.

**What a lot of fun**

**You guys have been real swell**

**And there's not a one who can s—**

Buffy said, "We heard that the last time."

Sweet's brows shot upward. "Was I that memorable?"

A cloud of smoke puffed where he stood, and Sweet disappeared.

"What d'you think of that, then?"

Buffy shook her head. "I guess – wait. Hey."

She saw Sweet climbing the ladder. "I thought you left with the smoke."

Sweet paused. "I like dramatic exits. Please, turn around and pretend I'm gone."

Spike rolled his eyes. "He's gone all right," he mumbled.


	17. Shut Up and Kiss Me finale

In the training room at the Magic Box, Buffy stretched languidly on the mats, in no real mood for a workout. She was still slightly sore from last night's furious dancing, but that would go away after a few minutes. What robbed her motivation tonight was the quandary of what to do about Spike.

Once again she had let the wayward vampire into her life, and now she was faced with the usual question.

_How do I get rid of him?_

"That again?" Spike groaned.

Buffy's eyes shot to the door. "What are you doing here, Spike?"

Spike rolled his shoulders tiredly. He sauntered to the punching bag and launched a punch that impacted with a powerful _whump!_ and nearly made it fold in half. "I knew it," he said, flopping down and crossing his legs. "I could see in your eyes you're wondering, 'How do I get rid of Spike?' You're predictable, and easy to read."  
>She rolled across the floor and knocked him onto his back with a playful leg scissor.<p>

"I was wondering if Angel and Cordy were back in L.A. yet, Criswell. Shows how much you think you know me."

Spike put his hands behind his head and relaxed. "Good, you're keeping me guessing, Love. And that's not the ell-you-vee love, either."

Buffy straddled his stomach and rolled her eyes, sighing heavily. "How _do _I get rid of you?"

"Kill me. Using only the weapons you were born with."

She smushed the butt of her palm against Spike's mouth. "Even when I don't understand what you're talking about, you sound dirty."

Anya spoke from the doorway. "Hey Buffy, Angel and Cordelia are here. Do you want to see them?"

They looked up and saw that Angel and Cordelia were standing there with Anya. Spike and Buffy exchanged arch looks and Buffy answered, "No, Anya, tell them we aren't here. Geez. Why do you ask when they're right there with you?"

"What am I, your butler?"

"That's no answer," Spike returned. He tossed Buffy off and hopped up. "Heading back to la-la land, then?"

Angel nodded.

"Just thought we'd say ta-ta," Cordelia affirmed.

"Ta-ta to la-la," Spike mused aloud.

Buffy said, "Ha-ha."

"Gee, don't you make a good team." Angel looked uncomfortable, and Buffy knew he only came by because that's what Cordy wanted. This is something she would like, seeing them say goodbye repeatedly. Reasserting her ownership of Angel. She looked at Spike standing there, then back at Angel. She couldn't shake the mist of the idea she had traded her Corvette for a Ford pickup.

Angel's eyes were on her. Buffy met his gaze, and she knew she was exposed. A guilty side glance in Spike's direction and Spike knew, too. His jaw muscles danced under his pale skin, and he faked a hearty smile.  
>"Angel old man. Y'ever consider being a Mormon, then?"<p>

Angel winced. "What?"

Cordelia clenched a fist in his direction. "Don't ruin this goodbye, Spike."

"As a Mormon, Angel can return to the good old days and pick himself up a brace of wives. Or not. I don't give a toss, I'm outta here."

Buffy gave him a hopeless look. "Spike."

He waved her off and pushed past Angel.

Music blasted, a fast techno beat. Spike looked heavenward for salvation, helpless in the music's thrall as he backpedaled into the room again.

Buffy didn't want this. Especially not in front of Angel. Not to mention Cordy. She hoped Sweet's impending spell would choose Spike to sing, but from the rhythmic pulse in her temples and the adrenalized jolt to her legs, she knew she was the patsy.

_**You're too loud**_

_**I'm so hyper **_

_**On paper we're a disaster**_

_**And I'm driving you crazy**_

_**It's my little game**_

Buffy's hips swayed now with more urgency, in perfect time to the beat. To Cordelia's horror, her own body began to move in support to Buffy.

I'm Buffy's background dancer! she screamed inwardly. She whacked the back of Angel's arm and he looked on helplessly and shrugged. She could see he was glad to be just an observer.

_**I push you**_

_**And you push back**_

_**Two opposites so alike that**_

_**Every day's a rollercoaster**_

_**But I'm a bump you'll never get over**_

Abruptly Angel was impelled forward with Cordelia, and he bounced and gestured with her as she added her voice to the chorus.

_**It's a love hate relationship**_

_**You say you can't handle it **_

_**But there's no way to stop this now**_

_**So shut up and kiss me**_

_**Kick scream and call it quits**_

_**But you're just so full of it**_

_**Cuz it's too late to close your mouth **_

_**So shut up and kiss me**_

Buffy pirouetted to Spike and ended the verse with her lips a scant inch from his. He was still dealing with the surprise of Sweet's rapid return of the dance spell, as well as resentful of her obvious desire for Angel. He leaned into Buffy's kiss.

The bint spun away!

He leaped after her, snapping his legs expertly. He sashayed and did a snap reverse to deliver the next lines to the song:

_**I call you and you pick up**_

_**I tell you how much I'm in love**_

_**I'm laughing and you get mad**_

_**It's my little game**_

_**Go ahead now admit it **_

_**You like your world with me in it**_

_**Like a record it's broken**_

_**Yeah, I'm a bump you'll never get over**_

Now Buffy moved in tandem with Spike, and they were a bold and glorious sight for Angel and Cordelia to observe, each miserable but for different reasons. Buffy and Spike sang the chorus in unison.

_**It's a love hate relationship**_

_**You say you can't handle it**_

_**But there's no way to stop this now**_

_**So shut up and kiss me**_

_**Kick scream and call it quits**_

_**But you're just so full of it**_

_**Cuz it's too late to close your mouth **_

_**Just shut up and kiss me**_

The lovers locked hands on one another's arms, their legs performing a complicated _pas de_ _deux_ across the mats that led them close to the other couple. Cordelia saw sheer joy on Buffy's face, and while her limbs were locked in an idiotic sway her hands were free to dig fingernails into her palms.

_**You miss my lips my kiss my laugh **_

_**The riff's on my guitar **_

_**The way we fight we make up fast**_

_**Oooooh yeah**_

The music plunged into a gyrating guitar solo riff, and to his utter misery Angel found himself playing air guitar with such forced dedication, he could almost feel the strings cut into his fingertips. Cordelia had a moment of freedom to gulp air and run her fingers through her hair. She watched with steely gaze as Buffy and Spike stopped to stare into each other's eyes. Their lips came close, came tantalizingly close, yet separated and Cordy was surprised to realize she wanted them to kiss.

_**Cuz it's a love hate relationship**_

_**You say you can't handle it**_

_**But there's no way to stop this now**_

_**So shut up and kiss me!**_

Cordelia caught Angel's sleeve and he looked at her. She jerked her head toward the door, and he nodded. As they walked he turned to watch Buffy and Spike. Bloody William was a fop, a trill, a pander; a wonk, an egghead, a geek; a dork, a nerd, a doofus. He could only have learnt to kiss like that by watching Angel with Darla. He smiled and nodded in satisfaction, and Cordelia dug her nails into his arm.

"What are you smiling at? Don't answer. Why don't you sing anything to me?"  
>"I –"<p>

"Don't answer. We're getting out of Sunnydale mister, and that Sweet guy or whatever can stay here and make them dance till their heads drop off for all I care."

Anya watched them go. Not even a goodbye for good old Anya, she thought without rancor. She smiled coyly and closed the spell book, glad to have proven that Sweet was not the only conjurer in the world who could get the scoobies to get down and boogie.

No customers, she locked the door and put on her headphones. Time to close up. She hummed along with Orianthi as she performed her duties, eventually joining in with the irresistible melody.

"Cuz it's a love-love hate-hate, relationship, you say you-you can't-can't handle it … so shut up and kiss me!"

She turned off the lights.


End file.
